Never Alone
-Sheri Gourley

How many times have you failed Me? How many times have you denied Me, whether it be in private or public, face to another or before the assembly of all men? But even still, My love for you has remained undying, unchanging, unconquerable, unmovable.

Why is it the joy of your soul to test Me? Why do you consistently demand answers and signs for that which you know not of? Have I ever let you down? Has not My love for you been as steadfast as the coming of the dawn after night has reigned? Ah yes, I see. Sometimes the dawn unwelcome for it only ushers in another day of pain and heartache for you. But even so, your heart has remained as cold as ice and as hard as stone against Me. This alone-- that I have loved you with as much passion and possession as I have, and that you have walked away from Me-- has been the grievance of My heart for as many days as I have seen. But you shout out loud that I do not understand. My child, I understand much more clearly than I would like! I understand the pain of loving and having that love rejected as much as you, if not thousands of times more! What I would, only that you would come to Me like a small child! That I could hold you and protect you and comfort you as the desire of My heart calls Me to! But you, you have cast the shadow of your doubt and fault over My love.

My dearest, most precious child, how My heart yearns for you. I know how hard it is for you. I know how hard it is for you to understand all of this, but My love, please at least try. Never have I forsaken you, always have I loved you. Never have I allowed you to suffer beyond which you could handle, always have I saved you. Tell Me, has there ever been a time when I did not meet your deepest needs? Tell Me, has there ever been a time when you were so diminished you could not walk that I did not carry you? I see you remembering such a time, but can you also hear yourself screaming for Me to leave you in your torment?

My child, this is so hard. But please, accept My hand. It is out stretched to you as it always has been. You need only to take hold of it. I have never once failed you, and never shall I. But please, trust in Me, for I and I alone can lead you through the dark caverns of your life.

So you're sitting there, drumming your fingers on the computer table, blankly staring at the screen. Some place deep inside you wants to laugh back at me this week. What do you mean God has never failed, you sneer. If God really gave two cents about me, I wouldn't be here now. I wouldn't be facing mountain sized problems, and only finding miniscule, band-aid answers. I wouldn't wake up in the darkness screaming until the solitude subsided. And so you laugh a little at it all. Its always hardest to believe when tough times come. When time goes by so slowly you can't stand it, and you wish for death. When you open your Bible, and the hot searing words slice through your wounded heart and leave it to bleed. So you take the same Book and chuck it across the room into the deepest, darkest, dankest, dirtiest corner you know, and yell it can stay there until it has something nice to say. God has failed, you mumble down your shirt.

Its not my job to ransack your room and find that missing book. Nor is it my job to take you on a field trip to the laundry room so I can stand on a soap box. And several too many times I have given the ever calloused answer of "Just pray, and everything will go well with you." That only caused you to wail all the louder, and to you it is further proof that God has failed. Through your sobs, you manage to moan that you've prayed until your vocabulary banks have run out, but you have seen no change. And the blank, dumb look on my face gives it all away. And your anger boils over.

You realize I don't have the answer, that in fact, I never did. Suddenly there is not guidance system in your life, and the outstretched hand you refuse to take hold of, swearing it fails. So your tears fill earth, and Jesus' tears fill heaven. You both cry over the same thing, but you refuse to make peace. Weeping and sorrow continue for you.

It is the heaviness and burden of my heart to see the suffering everyday and yet be helpless to do anything about it except stand by and wait. But wait on what? I would say God, but you'd throw yourself back in the chair, mumbling again God has failed. And frustrations mount.

And still patiently, the hand remains outstretched. Waiting silently to be accepted. For its strength to be leaned upon. But the walls pressure you in every direction. Choices get harder to make, and Job's words shout out from the corner. And you read them, and desire madly to argue with them. Somehow though, their pain keeps you staring at them.

"How long will you torture me? How long will you try and break me with your words? I cry out for help, but no one hears me. I protest, but there is no justice. God has blocked my way and plunged my path into darkness. He has stripped me of my honor and removed the crown from my head. He has demolished me on every side, and I am finished. He has destroyed my hope. His fury burns against me, and He counts me as an enemy. My breath is repulsive to my wife. I am loathsome to my own family. My close friends abhor me. Those I love have turned their backs on me. I have been reduced to skin and bones, and escaped death by the skin of my teeth. But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and that He will stand upon the earth at last. After my body had decayed, yet in my body, I will see God!"

-Job 19, vv.

How wonderful it was for Job to know that his Redeemer lived! Even though his soul was in deep distress, somehow, Job still knew there was peace in God. Even though it seemed to him that God was his worst enemy, he called his enemy his Redeemer! Job knew the secret. But then so did Paul.

"We are pressed in on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going.:

-2 Cor. 4:8-9

Paul was another dude who didn't let his hard times bring him down. And so right now you say none of this is right for you. You suffer, right now, and very deeply.

Pain isn't foreign to any one of us. I can be the first to tell you that love only brings strife, work accomplishes little, life is in vain, wisdom often lacks understanding, and money only says good-bye. To repeat Solomon, everything only amounts to chasing the wind. Everything is futile, but.... Solomon like Paul and Job, knew the secret. Everything is futile and worthless and meaningless unless God is the center. And in this, all three men found the peace to live life and face its hardships. Only your standing with God can lift you up when you suffer.

It's so hard for us. We suffer so much and for so many things, and the only chance we get of salvation is the one thing we push away the most violently. Why? Because we blame God instead of waiting on Him. We want the answers now, and changes instantaneous. Changes are never instantaneous, believe me. So what hurts the most of all our torments seems to be God's inaction at our suffering. And so we yell at him and hate Him all the more.

Most of the time what we see as God's inaction is really God's timing. I'm not offering a simple and acceptable answer to your problems. I'm not gonna say tot take an Advil, apologize, ant it will all be better. I'm asking you to do something really tough. I'm asking you to make peace with your enemy, and then trust that enemy.

You're shouting at me right now. You're shouting "God Why?!" and I'm asking you to say "Okay God!". I'm asking you to repeat after Jesus. "Thy Will be done." Period. Not "Thy will be done when it is good for me or makes me happy." But "Thy Will be done" and that's it.

I'm asking you to make peace and accept the hand that has been offered you in Jesus. Take hold of that hand. I can't promise you that life will suddenly be easy, but I can promise you just the opposite. I can tell you it's going to be hard and painful. But God is still unfailingly ready to lift us. We just need to wait.

Surrender the problem to God now. I'm trying so hard not to sound like a pulpit preacher with an unattainable goal. But lay the problem down, and trust God to carry it.

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