Cross of Gold
-B. Thomas Clark

At that moment, Randy lost touch with reality. He forgot about all the good things in his life and all that he had to be thankful for. The family that had always been good to him, the girlfriend that would love him no matter what, and all of his gifts and talents that would make him go far if he applied them. He was only able to see the bad aspects of his life. All the failures, all the mistakes, all the times he had hurt the people he loved and let them and himself down. Day and night the voices of failure surrounded him him and endlessly tormented him. Sleep became a stranger to him, just as he had become a stranger to himself.

There was no confidence, no feeling of self worth, only worthlessness, doubt, and self- pity. The promise from Randy's life had disappeared, his hope had faded, and his joy had fled. They were replaced with sorrow, heartache, hopelessness, and pain.

Every night Randy would cry himself to sleep, if he slept at all. His tears had become so common that he had begun to think of them as his friends. His dry bloodshot eyes and pounding headache woke him up every morning and it seemed that the only thing that helped him make it through the day was Advil.

Weeping in the darkness late one night, Randy saw a glimmer of light just under his closet door, a brief twinkling out of the corner of his eye. "Maybe it was nothing." He thought, deciding that curiosity would not bring about sleep. The glimmer didn't go away. Curiosity had seized him and in a move of desperation to help him sleep, he reached out for the strange glow under the door.

In his hand he saw a gold chain that glistened in the night. Attached to the chain was a small golden cross that Randy had worn many years ago. Time and circumstances had changed him. Life had taken its toll and Randy had given up on God. It wasn't that he no longer believed. He believed there was a God, but didn't think He cared.

The cross, as simple and common as it was, made Randy think about his life and what he believed. The cross took Randy back to a time when he really believed, when it had all seemed real to him. He then thought of what had happened in his life, how he had failed and lost all that he had once clung to. He remembered even more painfully how he had given up on God when times got rough, instead of calling out to him.

In that moment Randy began to pray. He called out to the very one he had abandoned, desperately hoping that it would bring him relief. When he did he realized the truth. God had not abandoned him, he had abandoned God. Almost instantly God's love surrounded Randy, bringing him a warmth and a comfort that he had never before experienced. He could feel God's hand upon his head and hear the soft, loving whisper of his savior. "You're not a failure, you are my greatest creation. Your best will always be enough for me." Randy wept again, but this time his tears were tears of joy, not sorrow. For the first time in what seemed like eternity, Randy felt good enough, he felt like he counted, he knew that God cared, and for the first time in years he was able to see the good aspects of his life. With his hope restored and his heart growing wings, Randy clung to the hand of God, put the cross around his neck where he knew it belonged, closed his eyes, and slept more peacefully than he had ever slept before.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
-Matthew 11:28-30

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